I begin to write this at 11:11 on the dot.
Today I received the message in two ways that I am so held by The Divine and to Mother myself today. It still amazes me how my soul speaks to me through synchronicities or people straight up messaging me what I need to hear that day like a DM from God.
So I started by yoga outside on the grass which was so welcome since I haven't done any prolonged exercise since before I was feeling run down last week. Mother earth literally held me as I moved through a hatha flow in the sunshine, toes in the grass.
As I was making my morning coffee I was also musing about how for all of my life up until recently I have never really enacted consequences towards men for not properly loving me. But that is primarily how men operate from what I am growing to understand. They must see a negative consequence to their actions before changing course.
And here I was naive thinking if I simply loved a man enough, was patient enough, kind enough, understood his past traumas basically the "ride-or-die" template they would one day realize how wonderful and lucky they are to be with me and finally show up for me and fully commit to the union mind, body, heart and soul.
Guess how that always turned out?
It makes perfect since though given that I was raised to sacrifice myself on the altar of men beginning with my father as the parentified, eldest daughter in a motherless home. All I knew to keep the peace was to constantly abandon myself, monitor a man's moods, be of service and of course keep my d@mn mouth shut because God forbid I trigger ego and send him into a rage.
Things may appear peaceful on the outside because of how I managed everyone's emotions and learned to de-escalate tension by fawning but on the inside I would always feel stifled, tense nervous system scanning for threats.
So this pattern followed me through all of my adult relationships and now looking back through the initiations that my soul, the rose lineage, Mother and recently Sekhmet and Isis have moved me through it's so clear and obvious.
I needed to set boundaries and let it be known consequences came from poor behaviour and a lack of consideration toward me. But most importantly follow through is what mattered.
It required moving through the fear and guilt of what chained me to the reality where I abandoned myself. There are other layers of course too many to name in this post.
I've moved through this portal to the other side and the air smells so divine.
Embodying sovereignty in relationship to the masculine has been a life long journey. It was a major High Priestess initiation to finally choose myself above a man in a relationship. This particular test has looped around for me in different types of relationships with men and masculine energy including money.
Will the Priestess choose herself, her vision and purpose above all?
The choice however hard for me at the time always becomes YES.
